All of Tomorrow

Today, you might have wanted to give up. You might have  wanted to stop fighting. But this is a letter from your future. A list of all the reasons why you should hold on. This is all of tomorrow.

You
Wake up
Count the plastic stars on your ceiling
The wishes you whispered to them last night
Drink coffee
Feel it settle into your stomach
Feel the warmth spread all the way
To your frosty fingertips
Put on the red dress
The one you told yourself
You weren’t pretty enough to wear
You don’t flinch
When you look in the mirror
You walk barefoot through the park
You stand beneath the thunderstorm
And laugh as the sky pours down
Around you
You dance
Without care
Take long showers
And write poetry in the
Steamed-up glass
When he smiles at you
Your heart does not run away
She reaches out to touch the butterflies
That explode around her
You drive out into the country at night
Sing out of tune
To old songs on the radio
Fall asleep between
The river and the stars
You laugh so hard
Your lungs play jump rope with each other
You smile at strangers
Ride the train to the end of the line
And back again
You go for long walks on the beach
Holding his hand
You dive between the waves
And wake up the next day
With salty hair
You look in the mirror
Smile at yourself
And mean it
You tell him you love him
And he repeats it back
You show him your scars
And he does not leave
Instead
He says it again
And gets down on one knee
You wrap yourself in white
And do not feel guilty for it
You feel your father’s heartbeat
As he links his arm with yours
Just like he did when you were young
And passes you on
To your husband-to-be
You feel his hand squeeze yours
As you say “I do”
As he says “I do”
Your song comes on the radio
And he grabs your hand
And swings you around the house
Grinning and giddy
You cross oceans
To visit the places you thought
Only existed in books
You stay up late
And watch bad movies
You make new friends
You catch up with old friends
And laugh at bad in-jokes
Find the box of love letters beneath your bed
And laugh
And cry
You hold your daughter in your arms
For the first time
Feel her tiny hands curl around yours
You don’t sleep for a month
You laugh as your husband learns to braid hair
Cry as he walks her
To her first day of school
You feel the stinging pain of loss
You stay up late crying for those who are gone
You learn
You grow
You feel soaring joy
Your heart grow wings
And teaches herself to fly
You see beauty in his wrinkles
You walk along the river beside him
You tease him about his grey hair
Call him ‘Gandalf the Grey’
He squeezes your hand
Tells you to remember
And you do

You remember the day
All those years ago
When you were alone
And broken
And you wanted to give up
That day you almost let go

Place your hand to your chest
Feel your heartbeat
Feel the blood in your veins
The air in your lungs
Each pulse whispering,
‘You are still alive’

You made it.

By Ellen Vigus

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